For Individuals or Couples

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Divorcing couples agree change is the major theme of divorce. Divorce changes our lifestyle, changes our roles, changes our friendship circles, changes the meaning of the world. When couples have tried all they could to save a marriage and “failed,” the losses and changes they experience can be overwhelming. It is a time ot significant stress for all family members emotionally, physically, financially, and spiritually.

The major goal of this program is to stimulate personal growth by preparing one for the new role as a single or separated person and by creative problem solving regarding the many changes that occur in lifestyles after separation, such as raising children in a single-parent household, loss of social support from friends, and loss of emotional support from the former spouse. When a couple agrees to work together untangling the mystery of their lives together, they offer an invaluable gift of cooperation and a new kind of love. In most cases, however, divorce counseling is done individually.

Learning about how our interactions with family and friends, and their treatment of us, have molded our roles, patterns, rules, goals, and beliefs better prepare us for a brighter future. This rite of passage can turn crisis into opportunity, pain into healing, failure into success next time around.

From years of working with divorcing-couples and their families, we have identified seven (7) factors which contribute to the success of one adjusting to the changes divorce creates:

1. One must first accept the fact that he or she is becoming a formerly married person, and to accept this change as a time for personal growth, rather than attributing the divorce to personal failure.

2. Emotional feelings of attachment one has toward the former spouse must not trap him or her and prevent developing new relationships.

3. Understanding one's feelings such as anger, guilt, sadness, and loneliness, through clarification and expression of feelings.

4. The decision to find and use a support system.

5. Ability to develop and interact with new relationships.

6. What went wrong with the past marriage is identified and clarified.

7. By working through such feelings as denial, guilt, hopelessness, and insecurity, an emotional relearning occurs.

Our approach is to guide individuals and couples through a life crisis that society does not prepare one for. By dealing with the common problems of divorce, one can enjoy the satisfaction of new beginnings. Divorce can be dealt with in counseling as a means of achieving growth toward a more satisfying way of life.

The process of changing and rebuilding family and individual life patterns will create psychological and emotional pain. However, the amount of pain an individual experiences can be lessened if one chooses to enter counseling where they will encounter structure and guidance and learn ways to cope with their pain which may otherwise be distorted or dwelled upon. Counseling teaches the skills necessary to work through emotional, social, and psychological pain. More specifically, counseling can help individuals committed to the process by offering:

1. A place for families and individuals to freely express their thoughts and feelings. Relying on friends for support is a normal reaction, but eventually they will not have the patience or understanding and lose interest. Depending on friends and family will also prevent one from developing new relationships.

2. The skills necessary to learn how "not to hurt".

3. Understanding the difference between developing some relationships while choosing to postpone others.

4. The planning and adjustment to new roles such as being a single parent, returning to school, or reentering the job market.

5. Supportive counseling for change, choice and personal growth.

Counseling can teach us individually or as a couple how to adjust to personal changes. It is an experience which moves one through feelings of loss and confusion to a sense of emotional independence and personal strength. Honoring a significant Rite of Passage is an opportunity to heal old wounds so as to avoid playing them out again and again in the future.

We have hosted individuals and couples for what we call a Marathon Weekend. For information go to www.MarriageQuest.Org. Those who live out of town should call us to discuss options for local lodging or a Soul Awakening. If you are local then you need only call to set up an appointment. Check your insurance carrier for psychotherapy coverage.

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